Free Edvice – April 3, 2018

Dear Dr. Ed,

I’m a former president, I’ve been dead since 1826.  I’m worried I’ll be accused of sexual harassment, should I get a lawyer?

Hung Up In Heaven

 

Dear Hung Up,

If you’re in Heaven chances are you’re okay, besides, where are you going to get a lawyer?

 

Dear Dr. Ed,

My boyfriend eats spicy food and then gets killer gas. If we’re in the car he auto-locks the windows. I’ve lost three canaries this month and our paint is peeling. He refuses to change his diet or at least step outside. What can I do?

Gassed in Gotham

 

Dear Gassed,

The next time he rips, outdoors, this is key, light a match and run.

 

Dear Dr. Ed,

My boyfriend is obsessed with comics, he thinks he’s a superhero, our apartment is his cover and I’m his sidekick. He’s convinced he can fly and refuses to get any help. He won’t move out, he’s acting like a real jerk and I can’t take any more. What can I do to get rid of him?

Baffled In Brooklyn

 

Dear Baffled,

Get the super to unlock the roof and tell your hero an invisible supervillain is up there, about to fly off. Let gravity do the rest.